A McCain Reign to Ease the Pain?

So I sent the following as a sample to an editor of a local newspaper looking for readers to contribute occasional columns. I guess I'm just sort of feebly searching for my voice as I finally get off my hind end and write again. This is not an endorsement for or against any candidate by either Crazy Eddy or his staff.

The battlefield has been perfectly arranged for John McCain to ride in on his white horse among the wounded and save the day for both conservatives and moderates. This former war hero will cruise through the primaries by emphasizing bread and butter conservative issues: a strong national defense, reducing the size of government, cutting wasteful pork barrel spending by passing the line item veto, an emphasis on exercising fiscal discipline, lower taxes, and a promise to appoint judges who will interpret the Constitution rather than legislating from the bench. These issues, referred to as common sense conservatism, are the themes of his early campaign, which frankly has more wind behind it than any other candidate at this stage since Ronald Reagan.

His appeal to moderates is palpable due to his famous independence, crusade to end corporate welfare, his perceived incorruptibility at the hands of evil special interests, a genuine concern for easing our dependence on oil, straight talk, and the fact that the majority of the electorate is right of center. In the end he will steamroll through the primaries with half of social conservatives endorsing him as the best candidate to defeat their great nemesis in the fall, and the other half being diluted between a couple other non contenders who will quickly be overwhelmed by the McCainiacs.

Though his greatest competition will be with himself until then, is there any doubt who will be his ultimate rival? The presence of the fresh yet unseasoned Barack Obama could make the opposing side’s primaries interesting, but he will not win the pole position. It is difficult to comprehend how a junior senator who hasn’t had time to distinguish himself could decide to run for the Presidency at the dawn of his political career. The example of JFK, however, will encourage him to take the plunge. On a side note it is interesting to observe that every President elected in the 1960s beginning with Kennedy were spawned in the Senate, which clearly bucks the historical trend favoring governors.

John Kennedy was also a young, handsome, articulate man. He came along at the right moment in history, yet he too as a junior senator did not stand out tremendously from his peers. He was photogenic, charming, and a rising star as well. Circumstance provided the opportunity of a lifetime and he capitalized on it. Likewise, Obama will understand that he won’t be a young star forever with the ability to inject new life into the political arena. If he waits someone else will eventually overshadow him. Perhaps of greater importance is the draining effect that controversial votes have on any candidate. That said, Obama’s valiant campaign will eventually succumb to Hilary’s powerful political machinery that has prepared for the better part of a decade for this moment in time. However, his electrifying stump speeches and popular support will prove far too tempting for Mrs. Clinton to pass up in favor of a more boring and lifeless running mate.

Ultimately McCain and his VP selection, our very own Tim Pawlenty, will triumph handily as the famous Reagan Democrats return to restore balance to the force. After which, our current governor will look forward to a retirement date in January of 2025.

Well since we’ve got that settled, lets start thinking about other things far more interesting than politics.